Medical stuff again

Ok, don't feel obligated to read this... this is just a short (short?  I read this through after I was done, and it is anything but short! sorry!) little update for those who are interested, or are just trying to figure out just how successful certain fertility treatments are.  Sorry in advance if I bore you =)

So about 2 1/2 months ago, Rob and I got the go ahead that we could start trying again, and I got the prescription for Clomid (or in my case, the generic Clomiphene).  I was told to take it on day 3-7 of my cycle (5 days) and then do my thing, and do a blood test on day 21 (or 22 if needed, but it is a very time sensitive test) to see if I ovulated correctly.  That test apparently is very important because if it turns out that I did NOT, then my dose needs to go up the next month.  If the dose is not increased, the whole next month is a waste, and that is no bueno considering you can only take this med for up to 6 months at a time, and there is a lifetime max, but I don't know how much it is... anyway, I digress... If I did ovulate, then all is good and I stay on the same dose for the following month.

So, 2 months ago I started my first round!  I was so excited.  I know it's only a 7-10% of twins, but here I was half expecting the first shot at it to work, and not only that, but it would be twins!  That first month was the longest month ever.  Though I was happy to say that I did not have ANY side effects.  Well, at work for two days I seemed to get a little hot, but who knows if that was just a lack of A/C... cause it was definitely not the "hot flash" that they said was possible.  So good news people!  Not everyone has awful side effects with that stuff.  Anyway, here's the quick version of the results so far... *Updated*

Month 1:  I ovulated!  yay!  Not pregnant  =(

Month 2:  I ovulated!  Not pregnant  =(
Month 3:  I ovulated!  Not pregnant =(
Month 4:  I ovulated!  Not pregnant =(

And now we are in month 3.  I won't do these posts regularly cause if it does work, I don't want anyone thinking "oh, she didn't post this month...she must be pregnant..."  Gotta keep the mystery alive, right?  Truth be known though, every month that passes increases my discomfort about the situation.  I heard, though I didn't confirm it with my doc, that every month you are on Clomid, it is less and less likely to be successful.  I try not to think about it though cause everyone says "Just stop thinking about it.  If you don't worry, then it'll happen."  Which, just so you all know, is a slap in every woman's face who is dealing with infertility.  Basically you are telling her that it is her fault she can't get pregnant, which most of the time is completely not true.  Sometimes, no matter how stressed or relaxed a woman is, it just will not happen for them due to physical issues beyond her control.  And these women know that too.  So hearing that phrase just will not help and will only make her feel worse.  Sorry...didn't mean to go all preachy but it just had to be said...

Infertility is hard.  I recognise that.  I know it could get harder... I really haven't been forced to deal with it for all that long yet.  I also recognise that it could get easier as well...I could be one of the lucky ones. However, I have not lost hope nor do I intend to.  I'm not getting depressed...sad, disappointed, impatient, at times heartbroken, yes.  But not depressed.  Because I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  There may be a perfect little spirit out there made just for us... we just may not get him or her in the conventional way... they may need to come to us through someone else.  One day it'll happen... adoption, or naturally...it will.

And heres something fun and informative that I found online, check it out... please? =)  (click on the link below)

 The Top Ten Things Not To Say To Someone Experiencing Infertility 

(with bonus pithy commentary)

This is a fun one too...

Things Not to Say

I really love this one... great miscarriage/loss section as well

Infertility and loss etiquette 
And just speaking from personal experience, one of the hardest things to hear people tell me is "At least you know you can get pregnant" (#2 in the loss section).  I COULD get pregnant.  And it wasn't even successful...it destroyed my tube.  Whose to say that it wont happen to the other side?  There is no guarantee for future success because I had a failed pregnancy in the past.  Its a really hurtful thing to hear.  And I know it is only meant with the best intentions and comes from a good place... or maybe the person just doesn't know what to say to help...I'm happy to have friends that care... it's just hard to know what to say when you havent experienced it... heck, it's hard to know what to say even if you have... its a hard situation and everyone is different in how they deal with it.

Smell my face

So yesterday Rob and I were in the car heading to a wedding reception/open house celebration.  I leaned over while he was driving and told him to smell my face cause I wanted to see if it smelled sweet.  LOL  So many things he could have said in response to that, but instead all he did was take a big whiff and tell me I smelled like cinnamon and he liked it!  Yes!  Thats what I was hoping for!  I found this diy face mask that was supposed to be amazing, so I tried it!

This mask is supposed to soothe swelling and redness in skin, along with helping to ease acne scars and prevent infection!  So easy to make and I had everything on hand too!

2 Tbsp honey

1 tsp nutmeg

1 tsp cinnamon

Mix it all together, apply to skin (I did it in little circular motions to exfoliate at the same time) and let it sit for 30 minutes.  That seems like a long time, but I just watched a show, tried not to scratch when it started itching a little bit, and then washed it all off!  It's not pretty when its on, but you feel so radiant when it all comes off.  It looks like you're glowing and you have this perfectly flushed skin like a professional just applied blush to you.  

Rob told me the next time I do it not to skimp on time cause he likes how it smells =)

2 years!

Today, Rob and I have been married for 2 years!  Here we are then:

Awww.... we look so...um...the same-ish?  Who am I kidding, it's only been two years.  We're still relative newbies at this!  We celebrated first on Saturday night.  I have this awesome massage client that gave us a gift certificate to a restaurant in town called La Chene.  The service there was AMAZING!  Such a sweet server, host, busboys, everyone was great!  The food was great too!

Today we both got the day off, and started it right by sleeping in! <3  Then we got up and I got my anniversary present!!!  He got us tickets to go see the play Wicked next month!  I'm so excited!  I have been wanting to see that play for forever, and I just keep hearing everyone rave about it!  I love that Rob knows me!  I would prefer experiences for gifts, especially experiences we can both have.  Those memories will last far longer than any material thing he could ever give me... unless of course we are talking about diamonds.  Yes...diamonds are the exception... ha ha.

Then we made our way to Santa Monica.  I grew up in Southern California, and I had never been on the Ferris wheel at the pier, so that was the one thing I knew we had to do.  Everything else would just be bonus!

We kicked back and relaxed a bit... and took a few snapshots up there!

I absolutely love the faces we're making in this next one... soooo attractive!

Get a good laugh?  Good, cause the rest are kinda boring, but look at the hottie that was following me around all day...

Seriously, isn't he so handsome? 

 After strolling around for a bit, we grabbed a late lunch, and then we saw The Three Musketeers and then came home.  The movie was great, I think Milla Jovovitch is so stunning, though she was more cutsie in the movie than anything.  If you've seen the "original" with Chris O'Donnell, you'll basically know how it goes.  Same basic storyline, but slightly different.  Anyway, great day, great night, I hope the next year brings us many joys and very few trials!

Who does that?!?

Sad day!  We woke up and got ready for church this morning.  As we were leaving and locking up, we noticed something different about our wreath!

Someone stole the "W" last night!  How rude!  I guess thats what I get for putting up something nice.  Seriously though... who does that?!?

I made a wreath!

Ok, so I jumped on the wreath-making bandwagon...  lol.  Actually I jumped on it a few weeks ago, made everything, and then it just sat there at the mercy of my cats (I had to remake the flowers a few times cause they unrolled them) cause I didn't have a hot glue gun.  Today I took care of that problem and actually finished everything!
 I'm pretty fond of how it turned out!  And I love that it's not seasonal, so I can keep it up for however long!
For the flowers, I used this link as a reference, except I used felt instead of paper!
Voila!

It's not perfect, but I love it!  And I don't really know how to tie pretty bows (I'm sure theres a million tutorials out there...) but oh well.  The wooden "W" was $2.99, the twig wreath was $4.99, and I got 4 sheets of felt all together at $0.29 each!  All at Michaels.  Who knows how much it would have cost to have a personalized wreath with all the colors I wanted on it!

Photo Love

So there's this picture that I just love... taken by a very talented photographer I know, Bradley Smith.  I just thought I'd share the beauty =)

Inspired

So that website Pinterest.com is totally a time sucker, but is also inspiring me!  I saw this post for an up cycled picture frame:

I thought that was totally adorable and such a great idea.  I was dreaming of different thrift stores or other types of stores that might have old windows that people didn't want anymore, and what I could do with them... then I got a stroke of genius!  We have this bookcase that my uncle gave us.  It used to have these glass paned front panels that could slide down and sit in front of the shelves protecting everything, or you could slide them up and out of the way.  Well the bookcase only had one of these panes left, so we just kept it up all the time.  I decided to take this pane off, paint it, decorate it, and somehow find a way to put pictures in it just like the idea from Pinterest.  Here is the result!  I LOVE it!!!

I super glued painted clothespins (surprisingly hard to find) onto the glass to make for easy switching of photos whenever I want, and decided to start with cute little pictures of Rob and I as kids at roughly the same ages.  I thought the red buttons made a cute little accent too!  Then I added wire to the back so I can hang it!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!  And all it cost me was $0.99 for the black acrylic paint, and $3.00 for the pack of buttons!  What a bargain!
Stay tunes for more inspiration!  I'm on a roll!

Things to think about

I found these sweet stories that I loved and wanted to share.  Theres three of them:

Abbey the Dog:

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.  She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her.  I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,
Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.

I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith
We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office.

A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet.  I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, ‘To Meredith’ in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, ‘When a Pet Dies.’

Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:


Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.

Abbey isn’t sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog.

Since we don’t need our bodies in heaven, I don’t have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.

I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I’m easy to find, I am wherever there is love.

Love,
God…

Belker the Dog:

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me.  I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.  He said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life – like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?”

The six-year-old continued, “Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

The Violinist:

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children.. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly..

45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

The questions raised:

*In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*Do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.

How many other things are we missing?

In Unrelated News...

   In unrelated news, Rob and I went to Vegas this weekend.  He had an orientation with the Vegas Metro Police! All I had to do was drop him off at some ungodly hour in the morning, but he was put through the Physical Fitness ringer!  I guess the Metro Academy there is one of the toughest in the country, so they want to make sure recruits know what they're getting into before they proceed with the hiring process.  If you cant get through that first PT during orientation, you're automatically out!  Luckily Rob is in great shape and had no problem.  Apparently around 1900 people sent in applications for the 30 positions that are going to be opened in the Academy.  Of those, only 600 and some change actually signed up for the first orientation.  So far over 100 have not passed the orientation.  Of the 55 that were scheduled in Robs particular orientation, only 26 showed up.  If that's the general trend here, I am REALLY liking these odds here.

    While Vegas is not my favorite place in the world, it would be a tremendous blessing for us if Rob could get the job.  We could start our family without a huge worry about the finances (though I know that is an inescapable worry til the day we die =)), and Rob would work so hard to do a great job and be the best that he can be.  That man tries so hard, bless him!

   While we were there, in our down time, we got tickets to see David Copperfield.  While the man does seem to be a little bit arrogant, his show was genuinly entertaining.  He pulled off some illusions that you could pretty much guess how it was done, and some illusions that were just baffling!  And to give the guy credit (or the guy that writes his stuff?) , he was pretty dang funny!

    In other unrelated news, my next doctor appointment is on the 30th!  So excited to see what the doctor says is our next step!  Hopefully all these hormonal imbalances wont be a setback, and this last packet of birthcontrol can really be my last!  only 2 more weeks of active pills and 1 week of the placebos!  Cross your fingers we get the Clomid prescription and that it is successful!  On that note, does anyone have any experience with Clomid?  How does it make you feel?  any side effects?

Personalized Day planner

So I love that Pin on Pinterest that says "Thank you Pinterest for making me feel creative even though all I've done is spent the last 3 hours on the computer" or something to that nature... But in all reality, it is inspiring me to be a little creative!  I decided to personalize this dayplanner I had.  I bought it cause I loved the colors and designs of the pages inside, but I was slightly dissapointed by the plain black cover.  So after seeing all the craftyness on Pinterest with mod podge and scrappy paper, I decided I was going to personalize my planner!  I took pictures to show how, but please excuse how terrible the pictures are!

We'll go from this:

to this:

It was super easy and only took me a couple of hours (including drying time)!  All you need is:

• Plain day planner
• Some sort of graphic you want for the front
• Scrapbook paper (if I could do it over, I'd choose a thin paper.  Loved my vintage choice though)
• Scissors
• Mod Podge
• Spongy applicators
• Scrap Newspaper to lay everything on

1) The first thing I did was chose four or five different scrapbook papers, cut them into random shapes, and then arranged them around the border of the planner, making sure you have about an inch or two hanging over the edges.  Once I knew what order to place them in, and made sure that when my graphic was placed over this, there would be no original front page showing, I Mod Podged the cover (not the paper) and then pressed the paper onto it. (Of course if some paper is going to overlap, place the glue on the first paper and press the second layer down)

2) Once dry, open the cover page and glue/Mod Podge the overlapping paper down

(At this point in the drying, it would be handy to have clothespins to keep it firm against the cover.  I, however did not, and was forced to seek alternative methods)...

3) Once dry, I secured the edges with some duck tape, and then Mod Podged a sheet of cute scrabook paper on top of that to hide everything!

(dont worry, I had company through the periods of letting the glue dry!)

4) Finally, Mad Podge your graphic down to the front, and then paint a layer of the Mod Podge over everything!  Make sure you apply it in the same direction with every stroke.  It will give uniformity and texture to the front, plus will seal the edges of the graphic so it doesn't lift up over time.  I added a cute little "Love" embellishment, I think it would look just as cute with little buttons, ribbon, or pinwheel flowers.

Another doctor follow up

Arg.  Another example of why I changed Dr's.

Today I had a follow up for my last hospital visit a month ago.  I had to see my old Dr. instead of my new one cause he was the first available.  I know, right?  Appearantly they are pretty busy over there.  Good thing it wasn't all that important.  Anyway, I went in today.  I was the first appointment of the day.  I still had to wait 30 minutes before the Dr came in!!!  How do you figure???  Then he finally comes in and just starts talking at me.
 *Backstory- Last month I went to the urgent care cause I was bleeding heavily.  Like, extremely heavily, and it wouldnt stop.  They sent me to the emergency room cause they wanted to do an ultrasound, but didnt have the tech there that day.  I went to the emergency room where they did a pregnancy test first, it was negative, so they said there was no need for an ultrasound.  It was just a hormone imbalance.  Cue meds, and a few days later the bleeding stopped.  Follow up recommended within 2 days*
So the Dr. starts talking at me.  Telling me that I was bleeding due to hormone imbalances.  (YA, I KNEW THAT).  That the birth control coming on the tail of  the ectopic surgery just sent me into a tail spin and its nothing to be concerned about.  (I FIGURED THAT WHEN THEY SENT ME HOME instead of admitting me).  That we can up my dose of B.C. and that should help stabilize my hormones over the next 3 months.  ("But we want to get pregnant.  We are only taking the B.C. temporarily to suppress my hormones and allow healing time.")  Oh, yes, yes, thats right.  Well, you can stop the B.C. now then, resume your Metformin, and start trying again. (Riiiiight.  Smile and nod, continue with the last month of birth control and then discuss the next step with my CURRENT Dr. who is not a big fan of metformin *I know its helped many people get pregnant, I'm not knockin the drug*)

Seriously, I don't even know why I had to go in.  They didnt take blood, do any tests, or anything.  He just talked at me and made decisions for me like he's my current DR.  According to my current DR, whom I have an appointment with on the 30th of this month, we have one more cycle of B.C. then he wants to start us on Clomid.  He doesnt want me to go back on Metformin unless clomid is unsuccessful and if I want to try that again.  Appearantly it did work for me, its just the stinkin' embryo didnt make it all the way to the finish line.  I'm open to other methods now.

Yummy Ground Beef Stew!

So tonight I had no clue what to make for dinner.  I had no motivation to find and follow a recipe, and I wanted something that would fill my hubby and cook fast and easy.  Hmmmm.  What did I have in my fridge that would add the meat (since no meal is complete without meat according to the hubby)?  One portion of frozen ground beef.  (I buy the big ground beef from Costco, then put it into smaller frozen portions)  And that was it.  So I decided to try to recreate the yummy yummy stew that my sister and I put together when we were tent camping in Australia.  It turned out SO YUMMY again that I have to share!

Yummy Ground Beef Stew

Makes approximately 4 servings (or feeds one hungry husband and one wife with enough leftovers for one lunch)

1 lb ground beef (or ground turkey)

1 can beef broth (I used low sodium)

3/4 cup water (I just used 3/4 of the empty can of broth)

1 6oz can basil, garlic, and oregano tomato paste (plain will work too)

1 can corn or 2 corn on the cobs with the corn shucked off

1 large potato cubed

1 large carrot sliced

2 Tbsp chili powder

1 tsp garlic powder

salt to personal taste

1.Cook ground beef (or ground turkey) completely in a large pot.  Flavor with salt as you see fit.  Do not drain! The juices add to the flavor!

2.Add entire can of beef broth.  Fill empty can 3/4 full with water and add to pot.  Stir.

3.Add entire can of tomato paste and stir.  Allow juices to come to a boil while you slice the vegatables.

4.Toss in the cubed potatos and sliced carrots, watch out for the splashes! 

5.Add entire can of corn.

6.Mix in chili and garlic powders, then add salt to taste. 

7. Allow to boil on medium low until potatos are thoroughly cooked (about 20-25 minutes)

Serve with hot garlic bread and be prepared to crave seconds!

P.S. I thought about adding some small pasta noodles while the juices were boiling, but chose not to at the last minute.  I'll bet you could and it would turn out just as good if you wanted to.  If you do, I would add maybe 1 whole can of water instead of just 3/4...

Romance Challenge #4

Bigger is Better

Wha-What?  Didn't the last Romance challenge just say the little things mean a lot???  And now we're saying "bigger is better?"  I think its more to mean, if you're gonna go big, go bigger!  If you want to do something really special (even if its randomly and for no reason...no, especially if its random and for no reason), do it spectacularly!  Every once in a while, do something sweet, something normal, and do it REALLY BIG!  Make a gesture that's big.  As big as your heart. ("awwwww")

TODAY'S IDEAS

1. Go for it in a BIG way.  Pull out ALL the stops.  Don't tip-toe into being more romantic.  Be outrageously romantic.

2. GIANT BANNERS are available from supergram.  The banners are printed on white or colored paper, and lamination is optional.  The banners are about a foot tall, and tend to run from twelve feet long to thirty feet long, or more, depending on your message.  Call 800-3-BANNER, or visit the website at www.supergram.net.

3.Make a GIANT greeting card out of a big cardboard box.

4. Make a custom banner-a BIG banner- to welcome him home from a trip (or just to say "I love you!". Use construction paper and crayons, or poster board and markers, or old sheets and spray paint.

5. Craig liked doing things in a big way.  He was a dramatic and loud (though lovable) kind of guy.  Mary on the other hand, was proper and quiet (and just as lovable).  Craig sometimes criticized Mary for not being expressive or outrageous enough.  Until...one day when Craig returned home from a business trip and was greeted by Mary-and two hundred forty-three members of the local high school marching band on their front lawn.  (Most people don't consider John Philip Sousa marches to be romantic-but Craig does!)

*You too can probably hire your local high school marching band for a relatively modest donation to its band fund.*

WHAT I DID

One Saturday night Rob was able to go out on a ride-along with the Sheriff's, so I was left to entertain myself for the night.  He was estimating to be home sometime between 12am and 2am.  I was excited for him cause he was super excited, but I was bored, bored, bored.  After I finished the second season of Veronica Mars, and was starting the third, I suddenly realized this was the perfect night to pull off my BIG romantic gesture!  So I got out an old sheet from my massages that I couldn't use anymore, and a sharpie and went to work to make a big banner welcoming him home.  *Now, in hindsight, I really wish that I had spray paints to make the job a bit more easy and fast, but the end result was still cute. 

When I was done with my labor of love, I hung it up on the curtain rack, directly in the line of sight from our front door.  Then I settled down and continued with Veronica Mars until I fell asleep.  Fast forward to Rob coming home to me asleep on the couch and a giant banner declaring my love for him.  I was woken up gently with a kiss, and though I don't really remember what he said or did, he did tell me that he loved it and thought it was really sweet. =)

***Disclaimer:  I would like to remind everyone that I am not coming up with all these idea's myself.  They are excerpts from a book called 1001 Ways to be more Romantic by Gregory J.P. Godek***



Pillow talk :/

*Mr. Rob cuddling away from me with his pillow*

Me:  Rob, Why do you always cuddle the pillow and not me before bed???

Rob:  I don't know... cause the pillow is comfortable and I can put it between my legs...

Me:  You can put me between your legs....Rrrrraarrrrrrr! *suggestively raising eyebrows*

Rob:  Nope...not as comfy.


Something tells me that we are not now, nor have we been for some time now, newlyweds.  The honeymoon is officially over.  LOL

On a lighter note...

My husband is constantly using the sugar spoon to eat his cereal with.  I. Am. Going. Insane.  When I need to dispense sugar, then what am I stuck with?!? A regular spoon?!?

Sugar Spoon:

...

Regular Spoon:

...

And again, just to make sure we have it...



Sugar Spoon:

...

Regular Spoon:

...

Naming First Trimester Miscarriages?

So I was blog surfing, and I came across a blog where in her history, the author had told about her two miscarriages in the first trimester... she had named them.  Now, I completely understand naming your child once you know if its a girl or boy, and once you've developed that connection where they are not only aware of you, but you are aware of them (other than the "morning" sickness).  But naming a child that was miscarried before even the second trimester?  I think that sets yourself up for more heartache than necessary if youre naming the embryo.  Now in my case, I wouldn't do that because I now know that as of right now, I am at high risk for miscarriage.  Knowing that, if I were to know that I was pregnant *yay*, I would NOT do anything to get my hopes and dreams any higher than they would already be until I had some form of confirmation that the pregnancy was more stable and not in the danger zone.  Needless to say, I would not be naming my embryo.  It would be like me naming my ectopic embryo that ruptured.  I think I will call it "Max". It just seems a bit odd to me.  Any thoughts?

Update:  Appearantly I need to rename this post because I think people are starting to comment on this topic before they read my actual blog.  Therefore this is being renamed from "Naming Miscarriages" to "Naming first trimester miscarriages."  Though it seems a bit long now.  Thanks a lot.

Also...I am not taking anything away from nicknaming your little embryo.  I know someone who called it their little "peep", and I knew "peanut"s, "diva"s...etc...that seems perfectly normal.  You may now go about your business.

Ectopic Rupture

     So, today I had a follow up with my Cardiologist.  "What in the world do you have a cardiologist for" is most peoples response to that.  On the 4th of July I ended up having emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.  I thought it was food poisoning, which is why we waited so long to go to the emergency room, which is why I came very close to not living through this seemingly trivial medical condition.  Anyway, at the cardiologist, they took my vitals, and everything looks good.  But I saw the nurse practitioner today who was not there for the surgery and had no clue what happened, so he asked me to explain what happened leading up to the surgery and my need for a cardiologist. 

     I explained: I thought I had food poisoning.  We realized it was probably something more serious when I was fainting every time I tried to stand up.  About at this point all my memories are fuzzy at best.  My husband managed to get me to the ER and when I did get there, my blood pressure was around 40/20.  All ER personnel flew into action in my room as they realized that I had internal bleeding in my abdomen.  When asked if I was pregnant, my immediate answer was no.  When asked if it was possible, I agreed that it could be possible, and a test was immediately done, confirming that I was in fact pregnant. 

     An ultrasound tech was standing by because she had the feeling she might be needed and when she was called upon, she rushed right in with all her portable equipment saving precious minutes.  It was confirmed that the pregnancy was in my fallopian tube and that was causing the bleeding, though they couldn't tell which tube because there was too much blood. Surgery was needed, and it was needed 10 minutes ago.  I started to go into full blown shock and started shivering violently and uncontrollably.  I looked over at the nurse next to me and saw him squeezing the heck out of a unit of blood they were transfusing into me to get it into me faster.  Turns out they would end up giving me 4 units of someone elses blood and two units of my own blood that they were able to salvage, clean, and put back into my own system.  A person my size has about 12 Units of blood in their body and I had lost half of that.  My kidneys also decided this might be a good time to think about giving up the good fight too.

     By this time, I had an I.V. in each arm, a needle in my neck...I really don't remember if that was to draw blood or put something into me, I just remember them putting the needle in... and I was being run down some hallway towards an operating room where they would eventually remove my left fallopian tube.  I had time to tell Rob I loved him as they reached the point they couldn't follow, and then I remember waking up in the ICU in this amazing suit of warmth that made me look like the marshmallow man.
   
     After this point, dozens of blood tests end up being done, one being for an enzyme that the heart produces in a heart attack, and I register positive for this enzyme.  It was then apologetically explained that this test really should not have been done given the stress my heart had been in and the lack of blood was most likely the reason for this, given I am young and in good shape.  However, since the test was done, they needed to follow through.  Hence the Cardiologist, hence the follow up.

     My nurse practitioner listened very kindly to everything, and then agreed that there was most likely nothing wrong with my heart, but they'll do a stress test just to make sure.  He then apologized for everything I went through.  He said the last thing someone wants to do is be thinking about things like their heart when they've just come through something like losing a pregnancy, and to just know that I have a little angel now, watching over me. 

     I hadnt really cried about that particular part of this at all, but when he told me that, my heart burst and it was really really hard not to let a tear fall.  I'm sure my eyes betrayed me and got all red though.  I hadn't really thought of it that way.  I counted it a blessing that we didn't know I was pregnant cause we didn't have the chance to get excited and hopeful, and I kinda acted like, we didn't know, so it didn't really count.  But it did count.  But I still feel like a fraud when I have to say that I was pregnant.  I didn't have any symptoms.  I didn't even know until it was already gone.  And then I think, was a little spirit there yet?  Theres no way the pregnancy ever could have progressed, it would have been flushed out due to its location.  Surely that little spirit would have known that.  Then I feel a bit like if a little spirit had been there, I let it down.  I didn't even know or get to acknowledge that I wasn't alone until it was already gone.

     Anyway, that is the story of how I came to have a cardiologist.  Now I am on Dr.s orders to be on birth control for the next 2-3 months to allow my body to heal.  Then its back to square one with all the infertility treatment.  Ugh! Literally, I have to start from scratch now!  Frustration!!!  Knowing my luck, I am going through all this, because its really going to make me appreciate having a child, and the reason I'm going to need a large amount of appreciation, is because that child will most likely be a extra large hell-raiser.  yup.  That seems about on par.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ectopic_pregnancy

Romance Challenge #3...finally

OK my friends... after a LONG hiatus, here we are again.  Hiatus partially because I went out of the country...more of that in another blog...and its so hard to get back going again once you've stopped...and partially because I got frustrated that I wasn't seeing immediate results.  I know...patience is a virtue, and I apparently was lacking in that particular virtue.  Well I will be pleased to update you with a pleasant update!  But to start us off today...Romance Challenge #3!!!

"Little Things Mean A Lot!
Every once in a while, a scene like this will play out while watching a romantic chick-flick in our house. 
Me: "awwww...that's so sweet/romantic/amazing... why don't you ever do anything special like that for me anymore?!?  That's so not fair.  You must not love me anymore." (something to that effect, knowing full well he does love me...don't worry...I'm little miss drama queen)

Rob:"Sweetie, we're married.  I don't need to do that stuff anymore"

Me: "But you could at least pretend you love me to make me feel better"

Rob: "But you know I love you, why do I need to do anything.  Besides...I wouldn't know what to do.  I'm not a Grand Gestures type of guy..."

Rob thinks to be romantic he needs big grand gestures of romance, but how happy would I be with just little ones sprinkled here and there?  And Visa/Versa...I think I get so caught up with the fact that he's not giving any little romantic gestures, that I forget that I am just as capable of giving them as he is.  The little things count, just as much, if not more than the big things!  Plus, they're a whole lot easier to pull off!  OK folks, take a look, choose at least one of the following, or make one up if none of them seem to fit in your household...remember, simplicity is key!

TODAY'S IDEAS

"1. Gift Wrap a wishbone in a jewelry box.  Send it to him or her with a note that says "I wish you were here."

2. Unplug the TV.  Put a note on the screen saying, "Turn me on instead."

3. Go though the revolving doors together.

4. Keep candles in the car.  Eat dinner by candlelight the next time you
 go to McDonald's.

5. Run your hands under hot water before joining your partner...in bed(!)

6. Look-no, gaze- into each others eyes more often.

7. Write him a little love note.  Insert it into the book he's reading."

"The relationship secret that's not really a secret:  Express your love in lots of little ways"

WHAT I DID

The night before I left for Australia, I didn't really write him little love notes, but I printed out some famous love poems, cut them out and signed them with X's and O's.  I left one in his lunchbox that he takes to work, and I left the other in front of his shaving razor (he doesn't shave often, so I knew it might be a week before he found that one.).  He found them while I was gone, and instead of "out of sight, out of mind", I ensured a "Absence makes the heart grow fonder!" 

Then some time after I got back, I posted a post-it to the TV that said "Turn me on instead."  I'll tell you girls, that was one of the first nights a basketball/hockey game was not on in our apartment! ;)

RESULTS!!!!

I'm so excited to tell everyone!!!! It's really working!  Maybe it was a result of the little efforts I've been making, maybe not.  Maybe he was just in a romantic mood...but I have to write it down!

One night I was goofing around on facebook.  Rob whined at me to turn it off and come watch the movie with him.  So I get off the computer and sit down with him, only to have him pause the movie, and get on the computer.  I was baffled!  Were you not just asking me to come over and sit with you?!?  However within moments, I start to hear the song that we danced to at our wedding start to play on full blast from the computer.  He sheepishly comes up to me and asks if he can have this dance.  Feeling a bit silly, I allow him to lead me onto the "dance floor."  We then slow dance to the entire song, complete with some spins and a dip, sprinkled with a few "I love you"s.  I don't know what inspired him, but it really made a difference, and I can't tell you how special it made me feel =)

And back to the challenge... if you have decided to accept this weeks challenge, please feel free to let me know what you did, and how it turned out!  I love hearing everyone's ideas of whats working for them!

Red Lobster biscuit recipe

By popular request, here they are!

2 Cups biscuit mix
1/2 cup shredded mild cheddar cheese
2/3 cup milk
4 Tbsp butter
1/4 tsp garlic powder
parsley flakes for sprinkling

1. Preheat the oven to 450 F

2. Stir together the biscuit mix, cheddar and milk until a soft dough forms.  Beat with a  wooden spoon for about 30 seconds.

3. Spoon onto a greased  cookie sheet.  Smooth down the tops to preventhard points from forming.

4. Bake 8-10 minutes, until the tops are brown.

5. While the biscuits are baking, melt the butter in a pan and stir in the garlic powder.

6. Once the biscuits are done, brush the butter on the tops, sprinkle with  parsley flakes, and serve hot!

Tough

Ok, so I am having a moment of self-pity here.  I know everyone will probably be trying to offer words to uplift and give hope, but sometimes, that just makes things feel worse. Cause in the back of yorue head, youre thinking "I know there are miracle stories, and I know that in most cases, everything turns out just fine...but not always.  And what if I'm one of those 'not always'?"  Sometimes, theres just nothing anyone can say to help.  And I think these are one of those moments that I'm just going to have to ride out.  And I know, in the end, no matter what the result is, I will be fine.  But getting to that point isn't always fun.

Here I am, turning 28 soon.  Everyone says, thats so young.  I have time.  But it doesn't always feel that way.  Everyone around me is having babies.  Not only that, but having their second, and third babies.  And some of these people are quite a bit younger than me.  I know I can't compare my life to other peoples life, but sometimes it can't be helped.  I wonder what I did wrong.  Why is it that I'm so far behind?  Especially since there has been nothing that I have wanted more?  I have wanted a family more than anything since I was in kindergarten.  I was that kid that always said "I want to be a mom when I grow up" from K-12th grade to now.  I'm starting to wonder if it will ever happen for me.  I know, I know...if you want something enough, it will happen one way or another.  Maybe not naturally, but adoption is always an option.  And I know, its not even like we have any indication that having a baby naturally wont happen.  It probably can happen.  It's just something that crosses your mind when you get down and all self-pitying.  Also, when you stay up super late and browse through all your friends profiles on facebook that have either had kids recently or have recently gotten pregnant.  Someone take this computer away from me!

But still, in the back of my mind is always that lingering question...what did I do wrong?  When all our friends were saying how I'd probably be one of the first of our friends to be poppin out the babies, why am I so far behind?  It gets discouraging.  But don't worry (thats me assuming that someone is worrying), I will get through it.  I don't really have a choice, do I?  Life goes on.  No matter what I think or feel.  "And all these things shall be for thy experience..."

Happily Ever After

Romance Challenge #2
How would you grade your relationship right now?

A = Passionate, exciting, loving, fulfilling; not perfect- but clearly excellent.
B = Very good, solid, better-than-most, consistent, improving.
C = Average, acceptable, status quo, okay- but static, ho-hum, sometimes boring.
D = Below average, unhappy, dismal; bad not hopeless.
F = Hopeless, depressing, dangerous; tried everything, it didn't work.

Now, I'm no relationship expert, I've had my ups and downs, and I know what works for me. I won't say what I'm grading my own relationship as, but I am striving for an A, which is why I have taken on this challenge for myself. Hopefully no one reading this feels their own relationship is at an F, but there is always hope. So here's to baby-steps toward a grade A relationship!

Today's ideas are:

1. Give your lover a dozen roses - and do it with a creative twist. Give eleven red roses and one white rose. Attach a note that reads:

"In every bunch there's one who stands out-
and you are that one."

2. Sending a birthday card isn't just a good idea, it's an obligatory romantic gesture. But how about doing something different this year? On your lover's birthday, send a "thank you" card to his or her mother.

3. Gallantry never really goes out of style. So every once in a while kiss her hand with a flourish. Note: The proper way to kiss a woman's hand is to lower you lips to her hand. You don't raise her hand to your lips.

4. Thoughtfulness is merely the beginning! True romantics know how to go above and beyond the call of duty: Following a bubble bath you've prepared for her, wrap her in a towel that you've warmed up in the dryer.

"These are the secrets of turning your relationship into a love affair"

What I did:

This topic was pretty tough. Rob's birthday was a few months ago, so that one was out, and he may look at me a little strangely if I started trying to kiss his hand. He definitely wouldn't appreciate the flowers, so that left me with the only idea left that you actually have to think about it and be creative. (I read into it as be creative with something like a bubble bath, since rob doesn't actually take baths, so that one was out too.) TMI WARNING! So on Robs day off yesterday, I sent him a few thoughtful text messages when I was at work. Then right before I came home for lunch, I told him to pick out his favorite sexy outfit of mine and lay it out. Needless to say, he was very excited to see me home for lunch! I don't think he's ever greeted me at the door before! lol. Then that night, before we went to bed, I snuck into our room and I turned down his side of the bed...

Did you see the chocolate on his pillow? He loved that part!

*Ok, so now its your turn! Pick one of the four, and get creative! This isn't meant to be super easy, but it shouldn't be hard either. Look for ways to pleasantly surprise your loved one. I can't wait to hear the results of what you chose!

Romance Challenge

So how many times do us women complain about how much we wish our husbands/significant others were more romantic? In the beginning we were all aflutter, and just head over heels (and hopefully still are) but we must admit, that the excitement does fade with time. I found this great book at the Borders clearance sale called "1001 ways to be more romantic", so I thought it would be a really great challenge for myself. No matter how many hints I drop, lets face it, my husband may never be as romantic as I may want, but what if I took the initiative instead? What if I changed my attitude and started to try all the cute little suggestions? Would my husband follow my lead over time? Do we get what we give?



So here is my challenge. I will go through the topics in the book, and list them in the blog. I will try out one of the challenges and write out how it went at the end. Hopefully I'll have some pictures to post as well. Anyone who would like to follow along, also pick one of the ideas out, and then let me know how it went! I'd love to hear! I'll try to post 2 or 3 a week, but I promise to post at least one per week!

Romance Challenge #1
Once Upon a Time
...two people fell in love. Just like you. They did all the classic romantic things. But the passion faded after a few months. Is this inevitable???

In the beginning things like this happened...

A. He gave her a dozen roses and a box of chocolates on Valentines Day.
B. She wrote him long romatic love letters. He sent her greeting cards.
C. They talked and cooed on the phone. During work. And late at night.
D. He took her to see every romantic movie that year.
E. He gave her pufume. She gave him cologne.
F. They celebrated special occasions with a bottle of champagne.
G. She served dinner by candlelight. He served breakfast in bed.

So here is this weeks challenge. Think of the romantic little things you used to do when you and your significant other were first dating. Feel free to share. I remember Rob and I used to go in the hot tub all the time. He used to make all sorts of cute remarks about how beautiful he thought I was in a bathing suit, and I used to tease him about how I could wash clothes on his washboard abs. It was very flirty and fun! hmmm...Maybe we can fit in a visit to the hot tub tonight... ;)

Apple Crostada

This is by far my FAVORITE dessert EVER!!! Seriously, if you make it right, you will be celebrated as the best cook ever, and its really easy! The key is to make sure you don't substitute any ingredients for something else! Especially delish served with ice cream!

Apple Crostada

10 tablespoons butter, cut up
2 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup plus 4 tablespoons sugar
1 egg yolk
1/2 cup creme fraiche ( I have only found this at Trader Joes so far)
4 to 5 Granny Smith apples, peeled and cored and sliced into eighths
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 tablespoons cream

In a mixer with the paddle attachment, mix 8 tablespoons of the butter, flour, salt, and 2 tablespoons of the sugar until sandy. In a separate bowl, blend the egg yolk and the creme fraiche. Add the blended egg yolk and crème fraiche to the flour mixture and mix until barely combined. Form into a disk and chill. Meanwhile toss the sliced apples with 1/2 cup of the sugar and cinnamon.

Roll out the dough to a 1/8-inch thickness on a floured surface and cut out 8-inch disks or 1 large round disk and place on a parchment lined sheet pan.

Place the apples in the center of the dough, leaving a 2-inch flap of dough around the edge. Fold over the flap onto the apples, forming a rustic, uneven rim around the crostada. (The apples should NOT be completely covered with the dough.) Dot with the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter. Brush the edge with the cream and sprinkle with the remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar.

Bake in a preheated oven 350 for 25 to 35 minutes, until light golden brown and apples are tender. Let cool.

Yield: 1 large crostada or 4 to 6 individual servings

My own crostada!  Huge hit!

PCOS

So, I guess I'm not so crazy after all. I went to the doctor today. All the bloodwork tests came back and he wanted to meet with me to discuss them. He said we did every blood test twice because he said the results were so concerning he wanted to be sure there were no mistakes. The results are in. 1) My progesterone levels are extremely low. He said they are 1/10th the level they are supposed to be. I have been put on Prometrium to regulate the levels, and he hopes that in the next 6 months they will be at normal levels. And can I say...Dang that stuff is expensive!!! 2) I have Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome , read about it here, cause its is lengthy to explain. Anyway, if left untreated, I risk lengthy infertility, diabetes, heart disease, and stroke, so even if I weren't trying to get pregnant, this is something that I need to treat right away anyway. He thinks that in the next 6-12 months of treatment on Metformin HCL, I should be be able to get pregnant. However I do need to stay on Medication for that for the rest of my child bearing years. UGH. If I have still have trouble having a baby, then he can start me on fertility treatment.
So, it's really frustrating knowing that I actually do have something wrong. Its great to know its treatable. They say the medication can cause me to feel ill, dizzy, sore, and I could lose weight. The last one I'm kinda hoping for...lol. Bathing suit season is just around the corner! LOL.
Special thanks to Melody for sharing about her condition, which inspired me to actually talk to a doctor about my own situation.