Tough

Ok, so I am having a moment of self-pity here.  I know everyone will probably be trying to offer words to uplift and give hope, but sometimes, that just makes things feel worse. Cause in the back of yorue head, youre thinking "I know there are miracle stories, and I know that in most cases, everything turns out just fine...but not always.  And what if I'm one of those 'not always'?"  Sometimes, theres just nothing anyone can say to help.  And I think these are one of those moments that I'm just going to have to ride out.  And I know, in the end, no matter what the result is, I will be fine.  But getting to that point isn't always fun.

Here I am, turning 28 soon.  Everyone says, thats so young.  I have time.  But it doesn't always feel that way.  Everyone around me is having babies.  Not only that, but having their second, and third babies.  And some of these people are quite a bit younger than me.  I know I can't compare my life to other peoples life, but sometimes it can't be helped.  I wonder what I did wrong.  Why is it that I'm so far behind?  Especially since there has been nothing that I have wanted more?  I have wanted a family more than anything since I was in kindergarten.  I was that kid that always said "I want to be a mom when I grow up" from K-12th grade to now.  I'm starting to wonder if it will ever happen for me.  I know, I know...if you want something enough, it will happen one way or another.  Maybe not naturally, but adoption is always an option.  And I know, its not even like we have any indication that having a baby naturally wont happen.  It probably can happen.  It's just something that crosses your mind when you get down and all self-pitying.  Also, when you stay up super late and browse through all your friends profiles on facebook that have either had kids recently or have recently gotten pregnant.  Someone take this computer away from me!

But still, in the back of my mind is always that lingering question...what did I do wrong?  When all our friends were saying how I'd probably be one of the first of our friends to be poppin out the babies, why am I so far behind?  It gets discouraging.  But don't worry (thats me assuming that someone is worrying), I will get through it.  I don't really have a choice, do I?  Life goes on.  No matter what I think or feel.  "And all these things shall be for thy experience..."