Monday, July 25, 2011

Pillow talk :/

*Mr. Rob cuddling away from me with his pillow*

Me:  Rob, Why do you always cuddle the pillow and not me before bed???

Rob:  I don't know... cause the pillow is comfortable and I can put it between my legs...

Me:  You can put me between your legs....Rrrrraarrrrrrr! *suggestively raising eyebrows*

Rob:  Nope...not as comfy.

Something tells me that we are not now, nor have we been for some time now, newlyweds.  The honeymoon is officially over.  LOL

Saturday, July 23, 2011

On a lighter note...

My husband is constantly using the sugar spoon to eat his cereal with.  I. Am. Going. Insane.  When I need to dispense sugar, then what am I stuck with?!? A regular spoon?!?

Sugar Spoon:


Regular Spoon:

And again, just to make sure we have it...

Sugar Spoon:


Regular Spoon:


Naming First Trimester Miscarriages?

So I was blog surfing, and I came across a blog where in her history, the author had told about her two miscarriages in the first trimester... she had named them.  Now, I completely understand naming your child once you know if its a girl or boy, and once you've developed that connection where they are not only aware of you, but you are aware of them (other than the "morning" sickness).  But naming a child that was miscarried before even the second trimester?  I think that sets yourself up for more heartache than necessary if youre naming the embryo.  Now in my case, I wouldn't do that because I now know that as of right now, I am at high risk for miscarriage.  Knowing that, if I were to know that I was pregnant *yay*, I would NOT do anything to get my hopes and dreams any higher than they would already be until I had some form of confirmation that the pregnancy was more stable and not in the danger zone.  Needless to say, I would not be naming my embryo.  It would be like me naming my ectopic embryo that ruptured.  I think I will call it "Max". It just seems a bit odd to me.  Any thoughts?

Update:  Appearantly I need to rename this post because I think people are starting to comment on this topic before they read my actual blog.  Therefore this is being renamed from "Naming Miscarriages" to "Naming first trimester miscarriages."  Though it seems a bit long now.  Thanks a lot.

Also...I am not taking anything away from nicknaming your little embryo.  I know someone who called it their little "peep", and I knew "peanut"s, "diva"s...etc...that seems perfectly normal.  You may now go about your business.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Ectopic Rupture

     So, today I had a follow up with my Cardiologist.  "What in the world do you have a cardiologist for" is most peoples response to that.  On the 4th of July I ended up having emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.  I thought it was food poisoning, which is why we waited so long to go to the emergency room, which is why I came very close to not living through this seemingly trivial medical condition.  Anyway, at the cardiologist, they took my vitals, and everything looks good.  But I saw the nurse practitioner today who was not there for the surgery and had no clue what happened, so he asked me to explain what happened leading up to the surgery and my need for a cardiologist. 

     I explained: I thought I had food poisoning.  We realized it was probably something more serious when I was fainting every time I tried to stand up.  About at this point all my memories are fuzzy at best.  My husband managed to get me to the ER and when I did get there, my blood pressure was around 40/20.  All ER personnel flew into action in my room as they realized that I had internal bleeding in my abdomen.  When asked if I was pregnant, my immediate answer was no.  When asked if it was possible, I agreed that it could be possible, and a test was immediately done, confirming that I was in fact pregnant. 

     An ultrasound tech was standing by because she had the feeling she might be needed and when she was called upon, she rushed right in with all her portable equipment saving precious minutes.  It was confirmed that the pregnancy was in my fallopian tube and that was causing the bleeding, though they couldn't tell which tube because there was too much blood. Surgery was needed, and it was needed 10 minutes ago.  I started to go into full blown shock and started shivering violently and uncontrollably.  I looked over at the nurse next to me and saw him squeezing the heck out of a unit of blood they were transfusing into me to get it into me faster.  Turns out they would end up giving me 4 units of someone elses blood and two units of my own blood that they were able to salvage, clean, and put back into my own system.  A person my size has about 12 Units of blood in their body and I had lost half of that.  My kidneys also decided this might be a good time to think about giving up the good fight too.

     By this time, I had an I.V. in each arm, a needle in my neck...I really don't remember if that was to draw blood or put something into me, I just remember them putting the needle in... and I was being run down some hallway towards an operating room where they would eventually remove my left fallopian tube.  I had time to tell Rob I loved him as they reached the point they couldn't follow, and then I remember waking up in the ICU in this amazing suit of warmth that made me look like the marshmallow man.
     After this point, dozens of blood tests end up being done, one being for an enzyme that the heart produces in a heart attack, and I register positive for this enzyme.  It was then apologetically explained that this test really should not have been done given the stress my heart had been in and the lack of blood was most likely the reason for this, given I am young and in good shape.  However, since the test was done, they needed to follow through.  Hence the Cardiologist, hence the follow up.

     My nurse practitioner listened very kindly to everything, and then agreed that there was most likely nothing wrong with my heart, but they'll do a stress test just to make sure.  He then apologized for everything I went through.  He said the last thing someone wants to do is be thinking about things like their heart when they've just come through something like losing a pregnancy, and to just know that I have a little angel now, watching over me. 

     I hadnt really cried about that particular part of this at all, but when he told me that, my heart burst and it was really really hard not to let a tear fall.  I'm sure my eyes betrayed me and got all red though.  I hadn't really thought of it that way.  I counted it a blessing that we didn't know I was pregnant cause we didn't have the chance to get excited and hopeful, and I kinda acted like, we didn't know, so it didn't really count.  But it did count.  But I still feel like a fraud when I have to say that I was pregnant.  I didn't have any symptoms.  I didn't even know until it was already gone.  And then I think, was a little spirit there yet?  Theres no way the pregnancy ever could have progressed, it would have been flushed out due to its location.  Surely that little spirit would have known that.  Then I feel a bit like if a little spirit had been there, I let it down.  I didn't even know or get to acknowledge that I wasn't alone until it was already gone.

     Anyway, that is the story of how I came to have a cardiologist.  Now I am on Dr.s orders to be on birth control for the next 2-3 months to allow my body to heal.  Then its back to square one with all the infertility treatment.  Ugh! Literally, I have to start from scratch now!  Frustration!!!  Knowing my luck, I am going through all this, because its really going to make me appreciate having a child, and the reason I'm going to need a large amount of appreciation, is because that child will most likely be a extra large hell-raiser.  yup.  That seems about on par.