Thursday, December 1, 2011

Medical stuff again

Ok, don't feel obligated to read this... this is just a short (short?  I read this through after I was done, and it is anything but short! sorry!) little update for those who are interested, or are just trying to figure out just how successful certain fertility treatments are.  Sorry in advance if I bore you =)

So about 2 1/2 months ago, Rob and I got the go ahead that we could start trying again, and I got the prescription for Clomid (or in my case, the generic Clomiphene).  I was told to take it on day 3-7 of my cycle (5 days) and then do my thing, and do a blood test on day 21 (or 22 if needed, but it is a very time sensitive test) to see if I ovulated correctly.  That test apparently is very important because if it turns out that I did NOT, then my dose needs to go up the next month.  If the dose is not increased, the whole next month is a waste, and that is no bueno considering you can only take this med for up to 6 months at a time, and there is a lifetime max, but I don't know how much it is... anyway, I digress... If I did ovulate, then all is good and I stay on the same dose for the following month.

So, 2 months ago I started my first round!  I was so excited.  I know it's only a 7-10% of twins, but here I was half expecting the first shot at it to work, and not only that, but it would be twins!  That first month was the longest month ever.  Though I was happy to say that I did not have ANY side effects.  Well, at work for two days I seemed to get a little hot, but who knows if that was just a lack of A/C... cause it was definitely not the "hot flash" that they said was possible.  So good news people!  Not everyone has awful side effects with that stuff.  Anyway, here's the quick version of the results so far... *Updated*

Month 1:  I ovulated!  yay!  Not pregnant  =(
Month 2:  I ovulated!  Not pregnant  =(
Month 3:  I ovulated!  Not pregnant =(
Month 4:  I ovulated!  Not pregnant =(

And now we are in month 3.  I won't do these posts regularly cause if it does work, I don't want anyone thinking "oh, she didn't post this month...she must be pregnant..."  Gotta keep the mystery alive, right?  Truth be known though, every month that passes increases my discomfort about the situation.  I heard, though I didn't confirm it with my doc, that every month you are on Clomid, it is less and less likely to be successful.  I try not to think about it though cause everyone says "Just stop thinking about it.  If you don't worry, then it'll happen."  Which, just so you all know, is a slap in every woman's face who is dealing with infertility.  Basically you are telling her that it is her fault she can't get pregnant, which most of the time is completely not true.  Sometimes, no matter how stressed or relaxed a woman is, it just will not happen for them due to physical issues beyond her control.  And these women know that too.  So hearing that phrase just will not help and will only make her feel worse.  Sorry...didn't mean to go all preachy but it just had to be said...

Infertility is hard.  I recognise that.  I know it could get harder... I really haven't been forced to deal with it for all that long yet.  I also recognise that it could get easier as well...I could be one of the lucky ones. However, I have not lost hope nor do I intend to.  I'm not getting depressed...sad, disappointed, impatient, at times heartbroken, yes.  But not depressed.  Because I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  There may be a perfect little spirit out there made just for us... we just may not get him or her in the conventional way... they may need to come to us through someone else.  One day it'll happen... adoption, or will.

And heres something fun and informative that I found online, check it out... please? =)  (click on the link below)
This is a fun one too...

Things Not to Say

I really love this one... great miscarriage/loss section as well
Infertility and loss etiquette 
And just speaking from personal experience, one of the hardest things to hear people tell me is "At least you know you can get pregnant" (#2 in the loss section).  I COULD get pregnant.  And it wasn't even destroyed my tube.  Whose to say that it wont happen to the other side?  There is no guarantee for future success because I had a failed pregnancy in the past.  Its a really hurtful thing to hear.  And I know it is only meant with the best intentions and comes from a good place... or maybe the person just doesn't know what to say to help...I'm happy to have friends that care... it's just hard to know what to say when you havent experienced it... heck, it's hard to know what to say even if you have... its a hard situation and everyone is different in how they deal with it.